What Do Women Want?

My best friend Ken wrote an article on his blog that can be summed up in the following paragraph:

Women don't want what they beg for. They don't want you to admit weakness. And they don't want to see you broken. If they do, it doesn't create feelings of love, adoration, or protection (they save that for children and puppies) it creates feelings of repulsion. You don't look brave to them for being vulnerable. You look pathetic for being human. It doesn't let them prove their love. It proves their incompatablity with the concept.

Then a woman responded in disagreement, saying that women want a tearful, emotional man who expresses fear and even has an emotional response to it. This, she said, is what women want in a lover.

My Response:

And now, what you came for--what I think. I suspect that many women (and some men) out there would disagree strongly with what Ken said. This response is more for those people.

I agree with Ken to a large extent. Based on my own experiences and countless observations and even the most up-to-date scientific research (I'm in a position to know) I can tell you that Ken is on the right track.

I know, that's way "unPC" of me and I'm insensitive and sexist. But if you're a female and honest with yourself, I've already become more intriguing in your mind. That's fine, don't admit it, but that doesn't make it even the slightest bit untrue. Feel free to deny it so that you feel modern and enlightened, but if you are wise you'll learn something and apply it to your life.

Here's the bottom line. If you're a Bible reader, you might recall the time when the disciples were in a boat and it starting storming on the sea of Galilee. Jesus was asleep. Remember?

They woke Him and what did He do? Did he cry "with" them and tell them that He, too, was afraid? Did He show them His inner child who wanted to pull the blanket over His head when it thundered? No. He did not "match" their emotion. Instead, He calmly fixed the situation and then comforted them by practically mocking them.

Ah, but Jesus didn't experience fear you say. And you are wrong. He did. Remember the "sweat as drops of blood"? Terror. That's right, He was capable of every human emotion you and I experience. So would a storm frighten Him? It's in our genes to be frightened by a loud noise. In fact, science has proven that we are born with only two fears--the fear of falling and the fear of a loud sound--like thunder.

So it's likely Jesus woke up and was also frightened by the storm. But He did what every great leader does. Instead of panicking, He attacked the problem. He channeled His fear and emotion to save their skins.

As much as the disciples thought they wanted Him to wake up and panic with them, that's not what they wanted. They wanted a hero like John Wayne or James Bond. Someone so brave and strong that he could sleep through a storm because he had enough confidence in his own ability to survive. That hero-persona was most embodied in Jesus Christ. He wasn't the feminine mockery we see in paintings of Him today. Biblical scholars and historians say He probably looked more like the guy on the packaging of Brawny paper towels--rugged, manly and strong. So when the disciples woke this sleeping giant, they didn't want someone to share their emotions or express how He, too, felt fear. They wanted someone to be calm and take control without a lot of fuss and carrying on. And that's what they got.

Women are the same way. If a man changes his instincts from protector to panicker, he loses part of what makes him attractive. Women, like the disciples, don't want someone to "relate" to them and share in their emotion. They want someone to be calm, strong and in control. Because if he joins them in their world of emotions, they've gone no where. They aren't better protected or optimistic. They're simply looking at a man who has entered that world of feeling over fact and a slightly different picture of themselves in the mirror. Whether they know it or not, that's not what they signed on for. They want someone in a different world to give them an anchor of rationality and fearlessness. They want a man who doesn't have to use his hand to wipe a tear from his eye because he's too busy raising it up to calm the storm. Whether they know it or not, they want a powerful protector and provider--not a pouting partner.

So ladies, go ahead and act enlightened and modern to the point you believe men and women are supposed to be the same. You have every right in the world to be willingly wrong. Just hope to God that when the world is crashing down and you're paralyzed with fear that you look into the eyes of a gun-toten' Trojan rather than a sobbing, sympathizing wimp who thinks you want a "man" who has a feminine side.

© 2007 Lee Wilson. All rights reserved.